Top 3 Star Wars Characters of All Time

 

As you know, this blog is inspired by the amazingly mythic saga of Star Wars.  I thought it would be a good idea to look a that the three best characters to come from this franchise.

1. Admiral Holdo

The Last Jedi is the most influential of the Star Wars movies for a number of reasons.  But the best thing to come out of that film is the character of Admiral Holdo.  In fact, you could say that the entire Star Wars saga was building up to Holdo.

From her first moments on the screen, she presents herself boldly.  Rather than dress in patriarchal military garb and sacrifice her femininity, she wears a long flowing dress with a shock of purple hair.  Her entire strategy stands in stark opposition to Poe Damaron, who clearly the main villain of the film.  Poe's failed mutiny and his interference with Finn highlight the genius of Holdo in keeping this hot-head out of the loop.  She needed to play things close to the chest or Poe's immaturity would have doomed them all.

All of this culimates in the most spectacular visual moment of the film: The Holdo Maneuver.  But selflessless and smartly turning her ship into a kamikaze-style weapon, she changes Star Wars space battles forever.  It is a shame that JJ Abrams took this bag with a throwaway line in The Rise of Skywalker, because this evolution of combat would open up all new vistas of possibilities for combat.  And it gave Holdo a chance to ride out in a blaze of glory.  Holdo is only in one Star Wars film, but her impact lasts forever.

2.  Jar Jar Binks

I think people forget what it was like in 1999 when The Phantom Menace came out.  There was so much hype for this movie, but it was the most intense for this new character: Jar Jar Binks.  "Jar Jar Fever" was everywhere.  One need only look at the numerous products and magazine covers to see the popularity of the character.  

Jar Jar's presence in the series elevated it to a whole new comedic level.  There had never been a character nearly as funny as Jar Jar, with his hysterical cadence and incredibly funny visual gags.  He has some of the best, most profound lines of the entire series: "Yud-Say Boom Da Gassar, Den Crashin Der Boss' Heyblibber, Den Banished!"  That one line encapsulates the fight against injustice that is at the heart of Star Wars.

3. DJ

The biggest flaw of the Star Wars saga is its lack of moral complexity.  Most of the George Lucas part of the story carries with it a very black and white view of ethics.  You can see it in labeling the Force as the Light Side and the Dark Side.  That is why a character like DJ is so important to the story.

DJ introduces real-world moral relativism.  By doing so, Star Wars becomes much more relatable than it ever had been.  Human beings are messy and our ethics are situational.  The most unrealistic thing about Star Wars wasn't the Jedis or space bears.  It was the simplistic portrayal of virtue and vice.

In DJ, we have a character who surpasses characters like Luke Skywalker, who try to sell unattainable ideals of love and heroism.  And while Rian Johnson did a good job of making Luke more realistic, the ultimate expression of this new realism is DJ.  And this moral ambiguity is driven home by his final line, "Maybe."  Will he ever receive a karmic punishment for his betrayal?  Who knows?  And that's the point!  The world is unfair and unjust and that is something that Star Wars finally accepts with the character of DJ.

(And as with my article on Godzilla, and since we live in an age that cannot tell satire from reality, everything above is satire)

Sunday Best: Top 3 Godzilla Movies

 

As someone who loves movies, of course I am very familiar with Godzilla.  He is an institution in Japan that has successfully made himself a part of an enduring pop culture.  And since this blog is dedicated to all things pop culture, I have decided to list the top 3 Godzilla movies in order.

1. Godzilla (1998)

People forget the hype that was built up for this film.  Coming off of their massive hit Independence Day, Roland Emmerich decided to make the king of all monster movies.  And my goodness did they deliver!

The design of Godzilla in this movie was a clear improvement from the earlier versions.  This one was sleeker, more agile.  The streamlined CGI kept everything moving in a way that you could not get from the man in the suit.  On top of this, you have stellar performances by Jean Reno, Hank Azaria, and one of Matthew Broderick's truly best takes.  

The movie also learns the lesson on monster movies that we got from Jurassic Park.  In that film we had the big threat (T-Rex) and the smaller threats (Raptors).  Godzilla gives us the large lizard but also all the tiny Godzilla creatures for the film's best sequences.  

It was also a forward thinking film that introduced gender-swapping much earlier into the pop culture than almost any other film by making Godzilla into a pregnant female.  Years before Captain Marvel, Wonder Woman and Rey Skywalker, Godzilla broke the glass ceiling for science-fiction women.

2. Godzilla vs. Megalon

This is one of the greatest Godzilla films simply because it introduces Jetto Jaga aka Jet Jaguar.  It is a little-known fact to American audiences, but the robot Jetto Jago is much more popular in Japan than Godzilla is.  He represents man's control over nature, thus making him the perfect foil to the agent of chaos that is Godzilla.  In fact, Godzilla is considered the villain of this piece.  You can see this when he picks up a tree and uses it as a weapon, thus violating all standards of monster combat.  It is also widely accepted that Megalon is the greatest of Godzilla's rogues gallery of villains, thus putting this film towards the top of the list.  

This movie also came out the same year as The Godfather.  To this day, there is controversy regarding how Paramount used under-handed tactics to win Oscar gold over this Godzilla classic.  There is also the theory that when Elizabeth Taylor read the winner's name in the envelope, she just read "God" and assumed it was for The Godfather, and not Godzilla vs Megalon.  This is a mystery lost to history.

3. One Crazy Summer

Brevity is the soul of wit.  And this movie only has one scene that recreates the magic of Godzilla.  But it does it so well that it surpasses nearly every other Godzilla film ever made.  Bobcat Golthwait gives a rendition of the classic monster that captures all of his chaotic glory and subtle majesty as he steps through the evil developer's model, culminating in that glorious shot of the smashing of the restaurant.  Thus we have in the space of a few seconds an example of Godzilla's role in the universe: he is nature's way of restoring balance to the overreach of man.  Watching this scene is poetry in motion.

Thoughts?

By the way, this article is very specially written for my dear friend Rick O.  Knowing he is such a Godzilla fan, I hope this puts to rest any question regarding the quality of my film criticism.  

(And just because we live in an age when it is difficult to tell reality from satire, everything above is satire.)

Spoilery Early Screening of Avengers Endgame

Avengers: Endgame officially comes out tomorrow, but I was lucky to get into an advance screening.

And I what I saw will blow you away!

SPOILERS BELOW

I was so shocked by all of the bold choices that Marvel made in this last outing with the Avengers.  The movie begins where our last movie left off: most of the Avengers on Earth with Tony and Nebula out in space.  The people on Earth are incredibly bummed because half of the people are gone.  But then Ant-Man shows up.  He returned from the Microverse via something called the "MaGuffin Bridge" that bonds all necessary parts of the MCU together.  They use the MaGuffin Bridge to bring Tony and Nebula back.  They then have Captain Marvel arrive.  It was weird when they went on a 5-minute digression about how little had changed in gender relations in the last twenty years.  It didn't help much that Tony started hitting on her in front of Pepper, talking about how he and his fiancé have "an understanding." 

The heroes come up with a plan: get the Infinity Gauntlet away from Thanos and then undo everything from the last movie.  But in order to do that, they need allies.  With most of the Avengers gone, our heroes get into a spaceship and cross the MaGuffin Bridge.  They enter a nexus shaped like a fox.  I was shocked to find that the Avengers then landed at the X-Mansion.  Wolverine came out and started fighting with everyone, but then Magneto disarmed Cap, Iron Man, and Thor (though I didn't know his mutant powers would work on Asgardian metal).  Professor X scans them and says that they are there to save their universe.  Hawkeye was weireded out to see Quicksilver and had to explain how his sister in their universe was in love with a robot and also dead.  So all of the X-Men join them on the jet and they fly to the Baxter building where they pick up the Fantastic Four.  I was really surprised to see that they went back to the cast for Rise of the Silver Surfer.  Although it was funny when Johnny Storm said that Cap was the only good looking person in the group.

Our heroes then flew to Thanos, but he was ready.  As soon as they attacked, Kylo Ren activated his new Death Star and attacked the heroes' ship.  Cap used his shield to deflect it onto the Infinity Gauntlet.  This caused the the Infinity Stones to fly all over Thanos planet.  The heroes and the villains then go on a quest to find them.

While up at the northern pole, the Avengers bump into members of GI Joe, who are there looking for a section of the Weather Dominator that also was flung into the north.  The blending of the live action actors and animated Joes was flawless.  This was especially important as they were suddenly attacked by Elsa from Frozen, who had been recruited by Thanos after the two sang a heartfelt duet about loneliness called, "No One Understands the Genocidal." 

On the seas, the Avengers are almost stopped by Ursula the Sea Witch, but Captain Jack Sparrow seduces her and they acquire another stone.

It goes on like this for a while until they once more confront Thanos, this time he is flanked by his father, Grimace (also known as "Grimace the Unkillable), and the Purple Pie Man.  Thanos told the Avengers to kneel before him and his "Purple Reign."

Due to a failed attempt at an alliance with Leader One of the Go-Bots, the Avengers are short-handed against Thanos, the stormtroopers, Scar's army of hyenas, Magica De Spell, Master Control Program, and Mary Poppins (who it turns out is the daughter of Loki, god of chaos).  Condorman is killed early in the battle, but no one seemed to care.  Elsa tried freezing everyone but was promptly eaten by Pete's Dragon. 

Finally, Captain America reached put the Infinity Gauntlet together, but instead of restoring everyone, he went back in time to the moment before Thanos snapped his fingers.  He lost the Guantlet in the time stream, but luckily Bill and Ted arrived with Socrates and Sigmund Freud to return the Gauntlet to him.

Cap snapped his fingers again and then all of the characters came back.  He then snapped his fingers one more time.  Thanos' skin was changed to blue and he was imprisoned in the Gauntlet, which Cap shaped into an oil lamp and sent back in time to be discovered by Aladdin.  Everything then ends in a gigantic dance party, headlined by Cherry Bomb from Howard the Duck.

But the most shocking part of all was when it turns out that the entire MCU is really made up of a bunch of action figures in Andy's room.  The movie ends with Woody and Buzz Lightyear joining the Avengers.

The post-credit scene showed the Justice League (with Michael Keaton back in the role of Batman) coming to the MCU, setting up the crossover in the next movie (which, for some reason, involves Energon Cubes)

All in all, I was impressed with how much Marvel and Disney was able to keep this under wraps until now.  I'm telling you, you won't believe it!  You'll be at the movie after reading this, thinking to yourself, "This can't possibly be true!"

;)

T. Martin's Action Figure Videos

Hello All,

I've talked about T. Martin on this blog and we have a fun back and forth regarding out taste in pop culture.

I recently viewed some of his other projects, including stop-motion videos using action figures.

To be honest, I am incredibly jealous or the skill he demonstrates with this writing and direction.  I got a real kick out of watching his short films and I think you will too, especially if you love geek movies and TV in the last few years.  And one thing I enjoy is that that each video improves on the last.

Enjoy!

Happy Festivus

Happy Festivus, everyone!

My friends and I have been celebrating Festivus for years.  I can't tell if that's awesome or sad.

Anyway, I want all of you to know, gentle readers, that I have made a donation to The Human Fund in your names.

I now leave you to airing of grievances.

Star Wars: Stayin' Alive

There are times when Jimmy Fallon at the Tonight Show knocks it out of the park.

This is one of them.




(If it doesn't play on your web browser, check here: https://youtu.be/5QKRKfg6kpA?t=24s)

Marty McFly Day

October 21st, 2015

Today the future has become the past.

I am today older than my mom was when the original Back the Future came out in 1985.  That is messing with my head.

I was going to write a lot more about this, but my brain is too taken up with my lack of hoverboards.

Oh, well...

Maybe in another 30 years.

StarWars Contra Gentiles: Episode IV

If any of you are not regular readers of the Catholic Movie Nerd blog, you should be.  His reviews are unlike mine in that they are concise and to the point whereas I tend to ramble on.  He also mixes up old and new movie reviews and reflections, which is nice.

But he fired a shot across the bow when he wrote this:  Star Wars, later subtitled Episode IV – A New Hope, may be a definitive childhood favorite along with its successors, but watching it as a critical thinker, it’s little more than bland, silly, rainy day-type entertainment. …Not that writer/director George Lucas meant for this first entry to be much more than a way to relive the family-friendly Saturday matinee thrills of his own childhood, and perhaps its place in pop culture is too high – the characters are generic, and the plot features gaping holes. Plus, it introduces the concept of the Force: a magical energy field that sounds more like a pagan, New Age deity the more it’s explained throughout the movies. Yet, I’ll take the charms of its authentic production values, joyous spirit of heroism and adventure, tongue-in-cheek wit, and immortal musical score over most of the popcorny nonsense that spawned from here. Nostalgia is the best thing that this series can offer me at this point, so if its upcoming revival touches my inner child, I’ll be satisfied.

This of course cannot stand!

So allow me this response in the style of St. Thomas Aquinas' Summa Contra Gentiles

QUESTION: IS STAR WARS LITTLE MORE THAN BLAND, SILLY, RAINY DAY-TYPE ENTERTAINMENT?

Obj. 1 - It would seem that it would be bland because the characters are too generic.  A thing is considered excellent in that is distinct and better than others in its own genus.  If the characters are too much alike of their genus then they cannot be distinct and better.

Obj. 2 - It would seem that it would be silly because the gaping plot holes in the story.  An intelligent story would have few logical inconsistencies.  But seeing as how Star Wars has many, it fails to be intelligent and therefore silly.

Obj. 3 - It would seem that it cannot be more than bland and silly because it is less than bland and silly in that it is pagan.  The concept of the Force is strongly connected to New Age and pagan ideas and is therefore potentially harmful to the Catholic soul.

ON THE CONTRARY - Scripture says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Phil 4:8

I ANSWER THAT to limit a thing's excellence because of its simplicity is an error.
God is one.  Therefore truth is one.  God and Truth form a oneness that with other excellencies such as Beauty, Love, etc.  They are, at its highest, the same thing.  Oneness is simplicity itself.  The deepest truths are sometimes the simplest (e.g. Love your neighbor as yourself).
Simplicity also does not contradict depth.  This is nowhere better seen than in the Gospel of John.  The Evangelist writes many simple stories that can be understood and comprehended correctly and helpfully on a simple read.  But there are layers underneath that simplicity that can be mined for rich material.  Take for example, the story of the Wedding Feast at Cana.  The story is very straightforward and can be read so as to apprehend the point: Christ can do great miracles.  The story works and is simple.  The setting and the characters are simple (only Christ is named in the story).
It is perfectly acceptable to read the story as simple.
But it is incorrect to read the story as lacking depth.
Should you wish to plumb the depths, you can look to the parallels to Genesis and how both that book and John have a wedding on the 6th day.  You can see how in Exodus the first plague (the sign of God's power) was to turn water into blood "even in the… stone jars."  And we can see Christ show the first sign of his power by turning water into "the blood of grapes" even in the stone jars.
More could be said, but this is used to demonstrate that a thing's simplicity is no impediment to its depth and greatness.  If a story is too complex to be enjoyed at a basic level, it is not a good story.  A child can enjoy the Star Wars Episode IV immensely and an adult can enjoy it at the basic level and the deeper levels.
A thing's silliness should also not be an impediment to its greatness, if we understand silliness to mean humorous.  Jokes can be profound.  In fact, the best jokes are funny because they touch on some deep truth.  In fact, the last profound statement of Socrates, the father of philosophy, was a joke.

Reply Obj 1.  The Universal Myth - Star Wars is cinematic mythology.  There have been other literary mythologies created, most notably JRR Tolkein's Middle Earth.  But Star Wars is purely cinematic.    George Lucas created endure characters because he tapped in to our collective unconscious and produced a myth that taps into the universal mind of humanity.  There is a right and there is a wrong.  Therefore the Force has a light side and a dark side.  We need mentors to show us the path, hence Obi-wan Kenobi.  We face overwhelmingly scary odds, represented by Darth Vader and the Death Star.  It is primal and universal.  One should not conflate generic and universal.  To be generic is to be universal but lacking any strong distinction in the species.  We can see the similarities between the characters in Star Wars with other characters in literature.  It is not because Star Wars is a copy of the others.  It is because Star Wars taps more powerfully into the mythology than other stories.

Reply Obj 2.  Nearly all stories have plot holes.  But if the plot holes do not take away from the overall excellence of the piece then their presence should not constitute a major deficiency.  Without specifics to be addressed, a more detail response cannot be given.

Reply Obj 3.  Tolkien responded to the lack of religion in his books and he said, "The Lord of the Rings is of course a fundamentally religious and Catholic work; unconsciously so at first, but consciously in the revision. That is why I have not put in, or have cut out, practically all references to anything like 'religion’, to cults or practices, in the imaginary world. For the religious element is absorbed into the story and the symbolism. "  In the same way, Star Wars is not meant as an evangelical tool.  But it is meant to tap into the universal experience of all humans and their innate religious sense.  Unlike Tolkien's work which was Catholic in nature, Star Wars is about religion and spirituality per se.  If it was meant to be Catholic, it could be argued to have failed.  But it it is not meant to be Catholic, but to be catholic.

McConaughey Reacts to Force Awakens Teaser

I could not stop laughing.

Priest Watches Force Awakens Teaser

I don't think I could continue to call myself CATHOLIC SKYWALKER and not include this video on my blog.

Enjoy!

(although not to nitpick, but I'm not a fan of a priest saying OMG)

SNL Christmas Mass Skit

I have been mostly disappointed by how unfunny most of this year's SNL has been (particularly the Weekend Update section).

But Saturday had a skit about Christmas mass that was not only observant but really funny.  And the thing I liked most about it was that Christians got a good-natured teasing without the skit being an outright attack on the faith.

Thoughts?

Star S'Mores

All I can say is, that this video combines two of my favorite things:

It reminds of this joke from The Simpsons where Homer is standing in front of the video store clerk who says, "I'm sorry sir, but the computer says that the movie Chocolate Star Wars doesn't exist."

Happy Star Wars Day

May the 4th be with you.

(and all Catholics respond)

"And with your spirit!"

The Worf of Starfleet

I know that it is the first day of Lent, but Christ reminds us that we should not look gloomy when we are fasting.  I take that to mean we should smile and have joy in the solemnity.

With that in mind, I give you: The Worf of Wall Street.

Movie Title Breakup

I watched this video and laughed so hard.

What makes this so special for me is that my wife and I used to play this game while we were dating of having conversations using movie titles every time we spoke.  So watching this was like in a weird way nostalgic.

Enjoy:

"The Grey" Summed Up in 2 Sentences

I just watched the movie The Grey staring Liam Neeson.  A very well made movie, but I did not care for it.  I was looking up more information about it on Wikipedia when I found this quote from Siobhan Synnot, and I just had to share it:

"On the down side, there's a lot of dull pretentious philosophizing about the heartlessness of nature and God. On the up side, you get to see a man punch a wolf in the face."

Characters Who Ruin Movies

Some movies are bad from start to finish.

But some movies have a decent chance of being above average.  But then there is that one thing that throws it off.  Maybe its a heavy handed message.  Maybe its an overly intrusive score.  But today I would like to focus on movies where a single character ruins (or nearly ruins) a movie.

SPOILERS BELOW

Michael J. Nelson: "If Roger Rabbit were designed by Satan."

The most obvious example is Jar Jar Binks.  I am one of the few people who defend the idea of Jar Jar. Lucas never had a true comic relief character in the series.  If Jar Jar had worked, I think that he would have been a great asset.  Think about how all of the laughs in The Avengers help cement that movie's place in your heart.  But the problem was in the execution.  Something didn't translate.  Apparently Liam Neeson and Natalie Portman were cracked up in hysterics on set with Jar Jar actor Ahmed Best.  They told him he would be loved and embraced.  But Jar Jar did not connect and for many people, he was the straw that broke the tauntaun's back.

One character who I think deserves universal ridicule is Vince Vaughn's Nick Van Owen from Steven Spielberg's The Lost World.  Every single person who dies on that island is his fault.  This eco nut releases a bunch of savage dinosaurs to run riot over humans.  He then brings a wounded baby T-Rex to his camp, where the parents promptly arrive and eat Richard Schiff.

No wonder Tobey always looked so depressed
(photo by User: perneau

Not only that, when there is a chance to kill the T-Rex, he switches out the ammo so that Pete Postalwaite can't kill it.  And so this monster wreaks havoc on the mainland.  Van Owen should have died a horrible death for his moral insanity and intellectual stupidity.  He actual yells at the T-Rex "We tried to help you!"  This character made me so angry, I could barely watch the whole movie.

The Matrix Revolutions had several problems, but one of the biggest was adding the little girl Sati.  She plays no part in the events of the final movie and yet they build her up as some kind of little digital savior how does.... nothing!  Whenever I rewatched the movie her very presence made me viscerally angry.  I did an editing experiment where I re-cut The Matrix Revolutions and edited her completely out.  It was a much better movie.

A more obscure example is the character Alasdair MacGregor in the Liam Neeson movie Rob Roy.  He is the younger brother to the hero.  He is such a horribly bad brother that I cannot believe they tried to make you feel sad when he died.  His list of sins include:
-falling asleep during guard duty so that the English could come and destroy Rob Roy's property and rape his wife
-murdering one of the few people that could clear his brother's name as an act of post-vengence for his sister-in-law
-shooting at English soldiers when Rob Roy told him that they were outgunned.  He then proceeds to laugh about it as they run away and gets shot and Rob Roy is captured.
-as he lays dying, he tells Rob Roy what happened to his wife, when there is really nothing that can be done about it at this point except cause tension in his marriage.

I hated this character so much I have not watched the movie since I saw it theaters 18 years ago.

My good friend, The Doctor, gave me two suggestions:

The first is Randy Quaid's character from Independence Day.  This is a good example of a character almost completely derailing a film.  The movie isn't perfect, but I dig it for some reason.  But the thing that takes me out of it more than anything is Quaid's awful mugging at the camera as he flies his ship into the alien weapon.  And to think, it could have been worse (see the original cut).


The other that The Doctor suggested was the character Mack from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  But that movie was already pretty awful, so there wasn't much to ruin.

So what are your thoughts?

Email, tweet, or leave a message on this post as to characters that you think ruin (or nearly ruin) a movie and I'll publish here on my blog.

Darth Vader Anakin Voice

I cracked up!  I don't know why no one thought of this before.  Now someone needs to do it with the Hayden voice.

Miley's Evil Body Language

Last year I had a distinct feeling of deja vu when I saw Bane's Evil Body Language in last year's The Dark Knight Rises.

I had that same feeling seeing picture of Miley Cyrus, especially after the brouhaha at the VMA's.

She has this vacant expression in her eyes with her tongue sticking out.

You can see it here:

Miley sticking out tongue

or again here:

Miley sticking out tongue again

That look seemed familiar, but I couldn't remember where.

Then it hit me!

The Original Miley

Truly evil indeed!

Pope-a-Cabana

photo from Gustavo Facci

When I heard that the Pope was on Copacabana beach for World Youth Day, all I could hear in my head was this:


His name FRANcis
The Holy FAther.
An Argentinian
Who is now Italian

He got on an Airplane
And crossed the Ocean
He carried his own bag
And fights the jet lag

To bring the LIGHT OF GRACE
to the millions IN THAT PLACE
who came to see their Papa FACE TO FACE

At the Pope-a!
Pope-a-cabana!
More Catholics than you've ever seen-a
At the Pope-a!
Pope-a-cabana!
Living Christ's Passion is always the fashion at the Pope-a....
Come feel the love!