"Either He Looks at Porn or He Looks at Me."

I have refrained from commenting on the recent celebrity picture hacking that occurred recently.  I couldn't think of anything productive to say.

But in a recent interview with Vanity Fair, Jennifer Lawrence spoke about her experience and what she thought and felt about how this affected her life.  There are many things that she said that people have already discussed.  And there are some who criticize her speaking out about naked photos being published while being photographed naked for Vanity Fair.   I am not interested in those topics.

Instead, I would like to focus on something that she said about why the photos were taken at all.  She said that she was in what she called a "healthy" relationship.  Her boyfriend was away at the time, so she took the photos of herself to give to him to look at.  Her rationale was this:

"Either he looks at porn or he looks at me."

Let preface what I am about to write by saying that I am not interested in judging Miss Lawrence.  Objectively, engaging sexual relations with someone with whom you are not married is always wrong.  But I do not know her soul and her conscience.

Instead, I want to talk about the attitude that she has adopted that I find so pernicious because I think it has infected much of society.

Notice her attitude regarding pornography.  It has become so pervasive that she assumes that it is simply what men look at.  It is accepted as fact that men will look at illicit images online and all she can hope to do is slake his lust with images of her body and not that of another woman.

Now, I don't claim that she is wrong that many men are enslaved to lust and pornography.  Fr. Larry Richards once said that there are men who go to daily mass who struggle with pornography.  I actually feel great pity and sympathy for women whose significant others are involved with pornographic media.  And as Fr. Larry said, there are men who want to break free but cannot seem to end their addiction.

My problem with what was said is not that the sin is a reality.  My problem is with the idea that the sin is acceptable.

Miss Lawrence throws up her hands and takes for granted that her man will engage in that activity.  I am overcome with a great sense of sadness that she and others like her would think that this would be okay.

I could imagine that it must be heartbreakingly difficult for a couple where one person is enslaved to pornography.  The woman must feel betrayed and unloved.  The man must feel guilt and shame.  I can understand the temptation to try and avoid the negative feelings by saying that the pornography is not a sin but an expression of "healthy" sexuality.  I can imagine that it is similar to the temptation for those with homosexual loved ones who decide that sex between those of the same sex is not a sin so as not to deal with the negative feelings.

But the problem is that simply because we decide something is not a sin does not therefore make not sinful.

Sin isn't just something that is morally bad.  It is bad for us.  It is a disease of the soul.  And just like physical disease if ignored will do great damage to the body, moral disease will do great damage to the soul if left unchecked.

Lust, even in marriage, dehumanizes the other because it turns a human being into an object.  Acknowledging that your significant other has lust is difficult.  But to feed him pornographic images will not make his struggles any less.  It will make them worse.  There is a train of thought that says that giving him that outlet will take away his temptations to stray.  But I have never heard of any addiction where feeding it makes it weaker.

It saddens me so deeply that the coming generations, raised on the internet and the illicit material found there, will think that pornography is a de facto activity of men.  Watch most prime time television shows, and you'll see that not a single one comes down on the side of pornography as an evil.  That '70's Show, The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Blackish, and others tell us that women should just accept that men will watch porn.

And this cripples the ability of both men and women to live virtuously.  If we accept that men will objectify women sexually, women will begin to accept being treated as objects.

I wish there were easy solutions.  The answer is simple, but not easy.  Simply, we need to keep striving for chastity.  But that is much easier said than done.  The more and more of us that are raised in what some have called "Generation Porn," the struggle for natural and virtuous sexual identity will become harder and harder.  The sexualization of culture has not slowed down since the 1960's.  And more and more people have fallen victim to it.

But how do you deal with such an intimate problem?  There are several ways, I think.  Above all, there must be a constant struggle, no matter how many times failure occurs, to return to the grace of God.  As I wrote above, I do not judge Miss Lawrence and others like her and her boyfriend.  I feel incredibly sad.  It must be such a struggle.

But I do know that surrendering to pornography will not appease its pull on the soul.  Instead it will take over more and more of the person until it becomes impossible to experience true love and intimacy.  So therefore, no matter how hopeless it may seem, we must fight on.

Let us pray for all those struggling with pornography and those who love them.